So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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