so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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