So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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