I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
