i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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