Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
