its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
