just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
