ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
