If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
