I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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