someone get that fucking seahorse.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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