omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
