His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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