2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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