When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
