I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
