woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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