tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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