he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
