You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
