Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I could have mohawked her pubes.
We got so high we made milksteak
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
