I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
