I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Are we still banned from the library?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
