what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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