o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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