I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
