Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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