I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
