the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
