I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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