She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
