Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
