i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
