Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My hand turned me down
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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