i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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