but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Randomize
