sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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