what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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