that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
