You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
