She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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