Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
