my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
farters have to be the big spoon...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
