They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
