do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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