Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize