last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
