Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
