I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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