im gay
i know
yea but for you.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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