I'm eating all of the evidence.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
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