Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
