is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I am full of burrito and curiosity
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize