sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
