Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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