Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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