what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
