Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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