soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
