dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize