What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
