yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
So. Much. Porn.
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