My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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