Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
