It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
