I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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