a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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