Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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