Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
