Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
