I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
