I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
